to whom it may concern

how do we go from here to there?
how does time change who we are?

everyday passes by just like that.
how could you be happy while I am not?
how could you smiling and I am crying?

someone told me yesterday, that i have this big resentment in my heart.
to whom the feeling occur to, is my question.
to you, who has been always happy since that day?
or to you who has this big future waiting ahead?

am tired feeling like this.
like i am the lowest creature in this big chain of food.

bla bla bla
i wish i would be able to write a happy post soon.

in between

for the past 2 weeks, i was haunted by a choice whether to use the same clothes i am at the moment, or having new clothes in green. I have been talking and asking a lot of advices over and over again. and yet, i still can't have a solid answer about my preference. I realize that there will always a cross-section in you whole life. no one says it's gonna be an easy choice. but i never realize that it takes me a lot of times and energy to make a decision.

i was always that person who know what i really really want. i know what my purposes are. thus, every time i decide to do something, i always bring my heart in it. although i wasn't success at some choices i made, i never regret it. that, until now. at the moment. current time.

now, i can't even answer the core question: what do i want?
i do not have any idea about what i want at the moment.
and i don't have much time.
actually, i only have less than 24 hours left to decide, before i am drowned in a cupboard filled with clothes, jeans, dresses. drowned with half heart. only use anything on this cupboard.

should i change my clothes now?
should i?