expecting unexpected things

i tried to post something since yesterday. i kept on thinking about something before i went to sleep.
you know, i haven't been in a relationship since three years ago. time do flies really fast. for all those times, i keep on bragging to my friend to find me a good guy for me. but somehow, deep down i know i kinda enjoy being alone. at least for now. though at some other times, i feel like i'm alone. like i have nobody to talk to about every dreams i have, every plans i make.

everyday looks like a never ending routine. though i start to enjoy it. i think i need something unexpected or something new to do beside all my daily activities. you know, last friday i got a phone call from a radio i've applied like last year. they offered me a spot for announcer there. and i turned them down. and yet, they called me again last friday. too bad, it went to voicemail. tried to call them back, but i got nothing. it was unpredictable. i think i need that kind of things in my days. i don't wanna end up like someone who doesn't appreciate things that's been given to her. cause i do.

in the middle of my routines, i found several source of happiness, by hearing a lot of good things happen to my dearest one. this close friend of mine, she's involve in some kind of relationship with a boy. she didn't say that they are officially a couple. yet, she was already asked to meet the parents, friends, etc. when she told me the first time, i couldn't stop smiling. i was soo happy that she's happy. another close friend of mine, he got a great offer from a great place. he was confuse about what to do with the offer. cause it was a really really good one. somehow, beneath my self-loathing about my ability, i feel really happy for him. and for a moment, i couldn't help but smiling like i'm the one who got that best offer. this happened too when my sister celebrated he 3years 10months with her boyfriend. i was super happy for her. there's nothing i wish for than tons of happiness for my baby sister. love her too much.

another silly thing is i couldn't stop smiling too whenever i put my ipod on and listen to all of those love songs. especially, one of original soundtrack from Tangled, called I See The Light. it was sang by mandy moore and zachary levy. i don't know why, but everytime i hear Zachary levy's part, i can't stop smiling. literally. in my cubicle, i keep on smiling and repeating that part. weird, considering i have nothing on the same condition, like that song. no boyfriend, no fairy-tales-soon-to-be-love.

those things got me thinking, maybe those sources of happiness i found, were things unexpected in my daily life. maybe for now i should be patient until i find something unexpected between all of those unexpected things.
huuuff i hope my life will be more interesting tomorrow, or the day after.
and if it hasn't, i hope i still have a courage to look for it.

yeah yeah yeah ~

Self Trip

i always wanna take a spontan trip and just take off to somewhere far far from this crowded-slash-busy city called jakarta. so, next friday, i get a day off from office. i didn't plan that actually. my boss said that i got a day off if i worked on saturday. and i did work on last saturday. so i applied to get a day off, and voila i got it, without any plan. shoot. i don't want to spend those three days at home, watching more dvds. i wanna go somewhere, do something. even if i have to go alone. a bit scary though. but why should i keep waiting for company, when i can go all by myself?

so i did a little research. i decide to see Yogyakarta. i searched for planes and trains. it's a bit expensive, considering i'm just a newbie in my office. but hey, it's a chance to arrange my escape, even for a moment. after that, my friend offered me to go to Medan with her. She wants to meet her cousins there. hmm it's a tempting offer. but Medan is also outside javanese island. and i don't think my parents allow me to go outside this island by myself. i did ask my so-called-clique friends to come with me. yeah and as usual, no direct and exact answer. so i take it as a no.

soo here i am. alone at last. trying to create a nice-slash-cheap escapade.
who knows, maybe one day i get a chance to travel around indonesia.
one day, just wait and see :)

playing : '..gotta live like we're dying'
NICE!!

blessed... or not?

it's 15:30 now.
i'll be off of my office at 17:00. i'm not doing anything at the moment. except maybe finish my project and monthly reports. and i won't finish it today.
in the middle of this nothingness, i log on to my facebook and found out some informations about a couple of my junior high school friends. and i just wonder, how could they be so lucky? flying around the world, joining prestigious competitions. why didn't i interest in any of that? instead, i drowned myself into some organizations and joined a lot of events. shoot. did i make the wrong choice? should i follow those competitions instead? i started to question every choice i made, something i haven't really thought about for quite some times. i always thought that those things shaped me into the way i am now. but does the 'now' me is really that good?

i can't help but feeling a bit jealous to them. it was, until i remember a part of song that keep playing on my head this day. this is a song from Adele called Rolling in the Deep. there's a line on that song stated : 'Count your blessings to find what you look for'.
That line got me thinking. And i started to refresh my memory, refresh my social network. and those evidences of my blessings started to show everywhere. started from all of my activities in college, my graduation, and my work. those evidences really show how lucky i am now.

each person has a different path. thus, they get a different bless.
mine were not always look as fabulous nor exciting as theirs. but it's mine. i get that from a really long hard work.

so i'll say, i'm lucky. i'm blessed.
in my own way :)