in between

for the past 2 weeks, i was haunted by a choice whether to use the same clothes i am at the moment, or having new clothes in green. I have been talking and asking a lot of advices over and over again. and yet, i still can't have a solid answer about my preference. I realize that there will always a cross-section in you whole life. no one says it's gonna be an easy choice. but i never realize that it takes me a lot of times and energy to make a decision.

i was always that person who know what i really really want. i know what my purposes are. thus, every time i decide to do something, i always bring my heart in it. although i wasn't success at some choices i made, i never regret it. that, until now. at the moment. current time.

now, i can't even answer the core question: what do i want?
i do not have any idea about what i want at the moment.
and i don't have much time.
actually, i only have less than 24 hours left to decide, before i am drowned in a cupboard filled with clothes, jeans, dresses. drowned with half heart. only use anything on this cupboard.

should i change my clothes now?
should i?

i don't know what i want.
my mood was better this morning. i did all of my jobs, and now i try to finish other task.
quite a good employee, right?
noo big no.

i found a little clue about what's happening to me right now. maybe the reason why God haven't gave me all the things i want, is because when God gives me something, i do not appreciate it the way i should have. maybe i was too stubborn to realize that what i am now, is God's best plan for now. and that i should appreciate it better.
So that's what i am gonna do. i will try hard to appreciate everything i have been given. and one day, I hope God will hear my prayers and dreams and makes it all come true.

amiiinnn