have you ever feel such a big anger in your heart, waiting to be spoken to someone who's responsible for making it so big, yet you know the responsible person you revered to is your own self? i do. i am. at the moment. ditto.
i can't think. not even to finish my work. i wanna scream. i wanna yell. but i don't know why. i feel like i'm going crazy. crazy little fat stupid person named dinda.
shooootttt. what happen to me exactly?
how can someone who was only work with for like a month, an not the whole month, can trust me to give me a job in a crucial position? do i deserve it? to be trusted?
could someone please convince me so i won't jump from my office building or hang my neck on ceiling?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
failure
my office's clock shows it's 7pm o'clock tonight.
you know, i have had a worse day. a day when i doubt myself. i doubt that i able to work properly.
but i don't know. i kinda think i'm a failure today. a simple task, and yet i can't make it good.
i wish i had this brilliant capability to do everything i'm asked. but i don't.
it's 7.02pm tonight. 2 minutes later and i still feel like a failure.
God, why should i drown myself on my bad thoughts? i know it's my bad thoughts talking. i know everyone won't be great instantly. it takes a lot of missing steps, climbing a lot of mountains, free fall a couple of times from a 80-store building. i know those things. but when it comes to me, i can't help it but looking down at my own self.
suddenly i miss my childhood. i'm a real bad-ass those times. i have no fear. i speak everything that come across my mind. i even complained to my elementary school's headmaster about some things i can't remember now. the point is, i was braver when i was 6 years old than now.
it's almost 7.15pm now. i have to get working again, or i'll sleep on my cubicle.
later.
you know, i have had a worse day. a day when i doubt myself. i doubt that i able to work properly.
but i don't know. i kinda think i'm a failure today. a simple task, and yet i can't make it good.
i wish i had this brilliant capability to do everything i'm asked. but i don't.
it's 7.02pm tonight. 2 minutes later and i still feel like a failure.
God, why should i drown myself on my bad thoughts? i know it's my bad thoughts talking. i know everyone won't be great instantly. it takes a lot of missing steps, climbing a lot of mountains, free fall a couple of times from a 80-store building. i know those things. but when it comes to me, i can't help it but looking down at my own self.
suddenly i miss my childhood. i'm a real bad-ass those times. i have no fear. i speak everything that come across my mind. i even complained to my elementary school's headmaster about some things i can't remember now. the point is, i was braver when i was 6 years old than now.
it's almost 7.15pm now. i have to get working again, or i'll sleep on my cubicle.
later.
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